One thing I have found, one of the things I am more confident about than anything else is this: Every person has an overwhelming desire to love and be loved.
It doesn't matter what size, shape, color, or gender you are. Everyone needs love.
But what happens when you love someone, but things change? What do you do when you see the end coming with someone, even though you don't want to?
You face it head on.
"Breathe" by Taylor Swift has been a favorite song of mine since I was 12 years old. Although I think all of Taylors songs are lyrically profound, this one has stuck out to me time and time again. Through so many relationships, friendships, and family ordeals; it has always related and touched me in a personal way.
"I can't breathe without you, but I have to."
I am currently struggling for something that I know will probably not happen. And even if it does, I'm not sure it's what best for me anyways.
I'm clinging to someone. I want this person terribly. But I'm clinging more to the past, than I am to this specific person themself. I want to try to fit back into an old picture that's been burned and trashed.
Times change, people move on, memories fade. But love is forever.
I don't doubt that I will always love and care for this person. But I'm trying to prioritize my life. I'm in one of the hardest desicion-making process a person can be in, which is figuring out who's worth the fight and who isn't.
So, I'm stepping back. I'm done clinging. I'm done fighting. And most of all, I'm done pining away. I'm finding the courage to do something that I believe is more brave than fighting for a relationship with somone.
I'm learning to stand on my own.
I'm digging deep for the strength it takes to put the past away, and learn to accept that things will never be the way they were.
All I have is the here and now, and I want to dive into it with open eyes and a clear mind. I have to say goodbye to people that hurt , take advantage of, or have even forgotten about me.
And it sucks.
But accepting that these people won't have a relationship with me anymore is half the battle itself. I'm done rejecting the fact that these people have moved on, or they're not meant to be in my path anymore because they hurt me. I'm done. I'm letting go.
"And we know it's never simple, never easy. Never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand."
I think what Taylor meant in this song is that it's painful letting go of someone you used to be close to. It hurts in a way that one doesn't even know possible until experienced.
"But it's also the best thing you can do for youself. Finding the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you feel like you can't breathe without them."
So for now, I'll just hold my breath.